In the sexual blogosphere (
blogosphere -- is that not the most douche-moustachey word in existence? but, I digress), you'll find no shortage of primers on the ABCs of sex -- anal sex, blowjobs, cunt-licking. Now, this is all well and good. Tristan Taormino has made a helluva career as "The Ass Whisperer", for instance, and I'm never going to say that knowledge ain't power (in
bed, if this were a Chinese fortune cookie!) More people should be comfortable about what gets them off, and who am I to discredit lusty learnin'? I mean, really?
Now, with that disclaimer out of the way, I'll say this: I'm not going to write any "primers". Ever.
Really.
I'm seriously.
Not kidding.
I might write about ettiquette, sure. Ten minutes in the streets of Philadelphia renders anyone into Miss Manners' best PR rep. But sex info schpiels are now trite -- covered extensively, eloquently, and just down-right
sexily by
Tristan, by
Chelsea Girl, by
Violet Blue... heck, you get the picture. And I, my readers, desire anything but trite. Trite is for Hallmark cards, coffee house poetry slams, and late-night viewings of
Elimidate. And as much as I love watching Tiffany and La Fonda fight over an XY-chromosome'd stranger in your local Red Lobster, methinks that's no pretense for a good blog.
So I'll tell you a story. No, it's probably not original. What is? And it's not new -- this happened over three months ago. (In Internet time, that's about the Triassic period. ) But it's fun, and it's unique, and it involves hot tattoo-ed girls and a room filled with butt plugs and the words "fuck house". So why not?
Three months ago, I visited my first porn shoot. Yup, you heard me. Porn! Skin flicks! Stag films! As that sitcom star famously said, it was real, and it was
damn spectacular.
Invited by a good friend who was working on the project, I decided to spend the weekend in NYC during the hot July summer to see what this porno business was all about. It was a season of firsts -- this was Audacia Ray's, or the Internet's own
waking vixen, first voyeur into celluloid voyeurism. The film was titled
Bi Apple -- and it was, about... well, do I really need to spell it out for you? Okay, I will: according to the PR,
Bi Apple "tells the story of a sex researcher and her experiences in a down & dirty, freaky & groovy "fuckhouse" in New York City". And contrary to what some would have you to believe, it wasn't the bed of depravity, drugs, and sin that your favorite after-school special told you about. In reality, it was more like...
summer camp. Except without the lanyards.
There's so much I could describe. However, I thought it would be more fun to dispel myths (misconceptions that even I, Ms. Sex Obsessed, harbored) about a "typical" porn shoot. (Granted, Audacia's an indie gal, so I can't make any normative claims, but
still.) Admit it -- you've probably wondered what happens. "Do the stars fuck in front of a room of drooling cameramen and men sitting on overstuffed chaise longues?" you may ask. "Is it true that everyone's on crack? And how exactly do they
get the money shot, anyway?" (OK, so maybe I can't answer that last question.)
Here goes:
- Debunked Myth Number 1: Fluffers. You've probably heard this urban legend make the rounds in your local locker room -- that is, the story of dudes and damsels for hire to keep the male talent... happy. Sounds like a fun fuck paradise, right? Too bad it's not real. According to almost everyone I spoke with on set, fluffers are a social myth that mystifies most of the porn industry. In the words of one of the director's assistants, "If you can't get it up for the shoot, you will never work in porn again."
There's one exception, according to Nerve.com -- you can read about her here. But otherwise, fluffers are like unicorns. Except fluffers would never get to ride a unicorn, because, well... OK, this metaphor is getting ridiculous.
- Debunked Myth Number 2: The set-as-orgy. Think the set of a porn shoot is some sort of hedonistic wonderland? Bzzt! First, only the people who absolutely need to be there (i.e., the stars, the cameraman, and the director) will be on the specific set to shoot the scene. Everyone else -- assistants, assistants-to-assistants, producers, and other ne'er do wells -- are in another room, not observing the scene. Why not? Think about it -- people make noise! And noise means bad production values, which means not-so-sexy porn.
And as far as the hot sex, well... I'm sure it must be a helluva thrill to fuck on camera, but the fantasy is probably better than the reality. Sure, there's the exhibitionism of the thing, but there's also five pounds of makeup, painfully hot spotlights, and intricate choreography to consider (to say nothing of cameras cavorting around where the sun don't shine). Sexy? There are probably sexy moments. But it's also, y'know, a job. Sex workers have to pay the rent just like the rest of us. (And by the way, many of 'em don't make that much money for the rent, but that's an entirely other post about the discrepancies and injustices in the industry altogether).
- Debunked Myth Number 3: Porn stars are stupid! Now, this is just such an ignorant misconception in our society that it's painful to even have to respond. I'm no statistician, so no, I can't point to anything concrete, it's true. But I can tell you about some of the amazing women I got to meet.
There was, of course, Audacia, the editor-in-chief of sex worker advocate magazine $pread, a former Museum of Sex researcher, HIV and AIDS awareness community educator, and book author, who speaks passionately of sex-positive feminism. There was indie pornographer Trixie and her boyfriend Tucker, who discussed sex politick with me in a way which would make the Catherine Mackinnons of the world expode. And there was Rachel Kramer Bussel, the journalist, sex editrix, and model with a sweet smile who breezily jumps from editing the Penthouse Review to discussing her undying, almost erotic love for cupcakes to interviewing Eve Ensler with poise and aplomb.
I'm sure, like any other profession, porn has its dopes, scumbags, and mouth-breathers. But I didn't see any of that on the set, and I continually find it fascinating when people conceptualize of sex workers as "less smart" or just less because they happen to fuck for a living.
Consider yourself informed. And with that, it's time to retire -- my English bulkpack, and insomnia, beckon.
- posted Oct 8, 02:26 in just-life sex-sex-sex
Comments
Commenting is closed for this article.
Mikey Mongol, Oct 9, 11:45:
Wow. Sounds like a really generous friend that invited you along to the shoot. =)
idonothing, Nov 3, 17:36:
fluffers are real but not for your standard porn set. in gang bang series they use fluffers. i gleamed this bit of knowledge from my days lsitening to howard stern
www.idonothingallday.com